I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
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apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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