So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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