you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize