I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize