dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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