Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize