oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
