Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
