Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
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Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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