its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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