i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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