I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize