I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize