Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
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Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
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"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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