people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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