He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize