The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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