my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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