oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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