cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize