you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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