Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize