OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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