he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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