I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize