If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
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I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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