How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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