I think I won the penis lottery.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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