The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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