Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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