i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize