hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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