dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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