I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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