he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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