he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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