bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize