Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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