We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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