Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize