It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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