Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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