That's when you crack a 10am beer
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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