He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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