She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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