Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
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Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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