apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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