I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize