Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize