and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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